As you take the opportunity to browse over my thoughts keep in mind that I write it as I feel it. Isn't that the way all writing should be?

Monday, June 7, 2010

Build up to breakdown

After three years it turns out the man I though I knew, I knew nothing about at all. I loved and thought I was loved. Instead I was one of many being "loved". I gave my best and he gave his best performance. When the truth came out I didn't feel anything. I didn't hurt, I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad. Today is a different story. Today my heart is heavy. Today I am ashamed for being so stupid and blind. Today I am angry that I was used. Today my "slap-a-bitch" hand is tingling, not for her but for him. Today everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I never wanted to let a man make me cry and yet tears well up in my eyes. I never wanted to let a man steal my joy and yet I can't even fake a smile. I thought I was stronger than this and yet here I am. I guess I am going to go through several emotions over the course of this healing process. I will yell, scream, smile, cry over and over until it is done. I know that in the end I will come out stronger than I was before. I have to because I am a De'Braux, I am my mother's child and the one thing she gave me before she left this Earth was her strength.

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This is my page. I will tell you now that I am a strange one and my mind is never in one place for longer than like, a minute. Expect my blogs to have absolutely NOTHING to do with each other! These are my thoughts about life, the universe, and everything (gotta love Douglas Adams). Feel free to check out my blogs and whether you agree, disagree, or could care less, comment!