As you take the opportunity to browse over my thoughts keep in mind that I write it as I feel it. Isn't that the way all writing should be?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Guilt...

Not sure why but I feel guilty about my family situation. My sisters and I all dealt with the loss of my mother in our own ways. They acted out, I went numb and burried myself in work and school. I didn't really try and help my sisters get thru it, mostly because I was frustrated with what they were doing so I emotionally walked away. Maybe if I had tried to get them to talk, or maybe tried to steer them in the right direction, maybe if I hadn't shut down, maybe we wouldn't all be like this. Maybe they would have graudated high school, maybe they would have gone to college, maybe none of them would have done jail time, maybe drugs wouldn't be involved. Should I have stepped up? Should I have tried to keep the family together? Was that my responsibility? My mom wanted the best for us. She wanted us to have the world in our hands. I am trying to reach that, I want her to be proud...my sisters haven't quite gotten on that band wagon yet. It pisses me off to the fullest that we all had the same mother and they disrespect her and all she stood for, blatantly. By doing the things they do, they are spitting on her grave in my eyes. Maybe that is why I walked away from them. Deep down I think I am angry at them for dishonoring her memory. I know my mom wanted us all to stay close when she died. She knew we were all we had and we needed each other. I feel like I am letting her down. I have to shake this off, I have to deal with these thoughts before they deal with me...

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Why can't we all just get along?

So I am sitting here watching Tough Love on VH1. Why can't bitches get along? Why is it that whenever you put a bunch of females together they have to act completely stupid? Everyone hates everyone and its fights galore. Why do women feel they are in competition with each other whenever they are around another female? I know the reality show pick women they know will fight because it makes for good tv but I have seen it for myself. We all know what I am talking about. For example, take a group of three-five girls. Let one girl walk away and then count the seconds before her "friends" start talking trash... 30 seconds tops. Why? Why do females feel they have to knock the others around them down. Whats worse is how judgemental we are. I have had trash talked about me by broads that don't know me, they know of me. I know plenty of women that have gone/are going through the same thing. Why? Why are girls like that? Do guys go through the same thing?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Squatters


This ladies and gentlemen is the sign posted on the door of the "neighbors" house. Yes that says its condemned and yes they are still in there. Now most people would try to lay low...no not these people. Instead they sit right on the porch with the door WIDE open. In fact its like the sign is more of a suggestion than a demand. Mind you these are the same people that stole a generator and continuously fueled it for over two weeks to avoid paying electricity. I am wondering what it is going to take to get them out of there. What makes it so bad is the fact that THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THERE!!! Two elementary aged children!!!! Who is looking out for them? Why are they living in a house with no electricity or water? CBS 6 has been here and done a story on that house and yet the kids are still there. I will keep the world posted on what happens with this house...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

But I looooove him...

You love him. You cherish him. But does he do the same for you? Since when did we as women decide it was ok to settle on whatever walks into our lives? Why are women accepting substandard men? How does that make sense? You work all day to provide food for the house, yet he stays home and plays video games. You have to beg him to spend time with you, yet the moment a homeboy pops up he is gone. You're in school because where you are is not where you plan on staying, he has been the same loser for the last 2,3,4,5 years you've been together. You have never been in trouble a day in your life, he's in and out of jail like its his second home. The place is in your name, yet he walks around like he runs it. You can do so much better, yet he knows you're not going anywhere. You are 100% faithful, yet you can't say the same for him. What makes you think you deserve this? Why do you not see yourself as the wonderful being that you are? How can you think this is love? Men the same goes for you. Why are you settling for women that you know are beneath you? You give her your heart and soul, she wants shoes and clothes. You constantly lift her up, she constantly puts you down. You want the family life, she wants the fast life. You know you can do better, she knows you won't go far. Come on my fellow people, you deserve better so go get it

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Hiatus?

Maybe it is time for me to go on hiatus... Too much is going on in my life and I think I need to step away for a while. It seems like the need to get away has been hitting people left and right. I have friends that have either disappeared for an extended period of time or are going on their hiatus now. I think I may need to follow suit. I have school which is only going to get harder. There is the BS with my sister that seems to only get worse and that is stressing me out. This month makes 10 years since my mother lost her battle to cancer. And just for effect I am losing someone that I consider family to an illness that she shouldn't have to suffer with. When is enough too much? I keep getting told that God never puts more on you than you can bear, call me what you want but that statement is a lie and I will tell anyone that I feel that way. Have I stopped believing in God? NO, I know he is up there. Do I believe in the God portrayed in the Bible? That is what I have to figure out. I need to step away from things and do some SERIOUS soul searching because my vision is cloudy right now.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hatred

How do you fight an emotion as strong as hatred? I am slowly being consumed by this feeling and I know how I am when I get this way. I don't want to feel it. I have felt this emotion so strongly before that I nearly lost myself in it. I have to fight it. I have to stay strong. I cannot let hatred take over. I am angry but I must deal with it now before it turns in to something more. She has pissed me off yet again. She is trying to rob me of my happiness. I WILL NOT LET HER SUCCEED. I will be fine, I know I will. God has me and with him, all things are possible...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Just not that in to you

How do you tell someone that it is never going to happen? I am normally able to say exactly what I feel but for some reason I am apprehensive about hurting people's feelings. We had something together at one time. He let it go. Now he wants it back and I am just not feeling it. I have moved on. I have grown up. I have found someone that makes me happy. I think I am in my happy place right now... And now all of a sudden not one, but two exes decide to pop back into my life and claim a place. Uh no, it doesn't work like that honey. What bothers me is I was hurt by both of these people and yet I cannot bring myself to be hurtful to them. I guess I should take that as a positive because it means my attitude is improving (doesn't it?). I want to tell them to "eat dick and die" but yet that just shows resentment and I am over the past. It happened, we were young, they were stupid. But that still leaves me in this predicament, how do I get it through to them that they stand no chance without having to revert to the asshole I once was...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

He may not be a douchebag but he plays one on tv...

This has been a glorious year for Douchebags. Mark Sanford is grade A, 100% natural, USDA inspected, and FDA approved moron. I am going to disappear and go see my fling in another country, come back like nothing is wrong, profess my love for her on national TV, and expect my wife to stay by my side. There is Jon Gosselin who to me looks like he has down syndrome and is a paparazzi whore. Then there is Kate Gosselin making her talk show rounds. And why? Because people with "no life" want to hear about "their lives". On to Rep Joe Wilson (my South Carolina is looking good aren't we?) with his outburst during a PRESIDENTIAL speech. Bet he wouldn't have done that if Bush were talking now would he? And we voted him in? For our latest induction into the Douchebag Hall of Fame, drum roll pleeeeease... Kanye West! How egocentric do you have to be to steal someone elses moment of happiness to tell them they don't deserve it, someone else entirely deserves it? Then he goes on late night tv to say, "oops my bad, probably not the best thing for my image huh?" Ugh, where do we find theses people and why do we give them a chance to be in the spotlight?

Livin and lovin love

I am softening up. My heart is beginning to bloom. I am feeling something I haven't felt in a long time. I am feeling close to someone. You have found a whole in my wall that I have built to keep the outside world out. I am scared shitless! I am not one to let people get close to me. If anyone becomes a part of my world it's because I LET them. But you... oh you... you have found a way around my defenses. You are exploiting loop holes. I don't know how its happening. I don't know why its happening. I just know I don't want it to stop...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

GI-OH NO!

Quick! Name every action movie cliche you can think of. Ok now put it all together in about and hour and a half long movie. Take away any essence of a storyline. Now throw in some soldiers. You now have the GI JOE movie. This movie was over acted and under scripted. You would think from the previews that this movie would be kick ass. Think again! The plot was underdeveloped. The writing was non existent. Even the special effects were mediocre! Just tell me how in the hell someone can break into the GI JOE headquarters WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING?!?!? Not one damn alarm went off until General Hawk hit the one under his desk AFTER he had damn near been killed? The best damn scenes involved kids fighting!!!!!! The movie was predicatable and it seems to me they rushed it through production. The movie rests on nothing but special effects and those could have been better. If you happen to be under the age of 14 then you will love this movie. If you have already hit puberty, just wait for the dvd.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Woe unto the world


So talking to you has been once again, as depressing as talking to Marvin the manic depressive robot. The world is against you. Everything became too hard when mommy died. Everything just keeps going wrong and you don't know why. I would like to venture a guess and say... MAYBE YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER! You know what? Yes, losing our mother messed you, me, and our other two sisters up. Instead of living for her and thru her you use her death as an excuse to do nothing. It will NEVER be fair what we as a family had to go thru at such young ages but it happened and we have to deal with it at one time or another. It hurts, God knows it is a pain that will never fully subside. My heart hurts just as much as yours and she is on my mind everyday. Losing her is not the reason things are bad for you though. You won't do anything for yourself. You live with this person and that person. Every guy you have ever dated has been some abusive street thug. You can't survive in VA so you go back to NC, mind you which you left to come to VA. You have no reason to be in VA or NC but you seem to float in between the two states meeting the worst people. To make matters worse, when your name no longer works for you, you decide mine will do. You fuck me over every way you know how and then dip back to NC where I can't find you. Rather than just stand up and take it like a woman you slink back into some hidey-hole and wait until the dust settles but I am supposed to feel sorry for you? I can no longer muster up any more sympathy. You have been like this since before mommy died, when you would stay out all night and then get mad because you couldn't sleep all day. Maybe if you stopped smoking weed long enough to get a job... maybe if you stopped living with any man that opens the door... maybe if you learn to take responsibility... maybe if you FORMULATE A PLAN before you just leave one place going to the next... maybe if you stop feeling sorry for yourself... maybe if you stop living in the past... maybe if you grow the fuck up... maybe, just maybe you can break your cycle.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

un-people person


So how is it that I want to be a nurse, I get along great with everyone, people love me, but I HATE PEOPLE?!? Maybe that is the wrong way to say it... I strongly dislike the human race. I was never that kid that went to sleepovers. I never wanted to be popular, in fact I spent all four years of high school trying to get out. I couldn't join a sorority because I can't tolerate being around more than two females at a time (our species annoys me to no end). If I do go out it is with a select group of people refered to as friends. Aren't people like me considered anti-social? Aren't we the ones you all call loners? Aren't we the ones that sit at the corner table by ourselves with our noses in books? Aren't we the ones that freak you out because you have no idea how to deal with us? Well I can tell you how to deal with me. DON'T! If I am alone at a table it's because I want to be. If I have turned down going out with you it's because I don't want to. If I don't pick up the phone it is because I don't want to talk. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just leave me alone.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

And so it begins...


I have decided to give life a shot. There is no reason for me to stay behind these walls that I have built. I gave up on life because I seemed to get nothing out of it. The harder I tried the worse things got. Everything I wanted was just too far away to get. Then I realized something... maybe what I wanted isn't what I needed. Life happens the way it does for a reason. And where did I learn this lesson from? My parents? No, I tend to tune them out because they immediately start preaching. My friends? I don't really have many of those. The bible? Of course but it's a little hard for me to understand the scripture but I do try. So where did I learn most of my lesson? I learned it from a book called The Alchemist by Paulo Cuelho. The entire book is about a young sheppard looking for life's treasure. On his journey he realizes that life itself and its experiences are the real treasures. It was like having an epiphany. Someone wasn't preaching to me, someone wasn't talking down to me, I didn't get the Bible thumped at me. I got to read what I needed to hear and that got threw to me far easier than anything else. After I took a long hard look at what I had been asking God for I realized, I didn't need damn near any of that stuff. As I started praying for what I truely needed I have watched as God answered in perfect time. I need my health, I need my happiness, I need love, I need my family and as I look at my life I have all of those. He didn't give me what I wanted because he was busy giving me the necessities. What I want will come when it is supposed to, I just have to learn patience. So I shall step back and let life go in the direction it is meant to go. Don't get me wrong I am still in charge of who I am and what I do but He is in charge of me being in charge of my life. And so it begins...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Me, not me

I must admit that I am not who I portray myself to be. I give off this air of independence. I act as though I need no one. I keep all of you away from me. The truth is I am not the tough person you all know me to be. I push everyone away because I can't be hurt if there is no one around to hurt me. It gets lonely but I do it for my own good. I wish I knew how to open up to you. I wissh I knew how to not be a bitch to you. I wish I could love you and let you love me back. But I can't... not yet... but one day...

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Let it go McDonald's, let it go...

So despite my better judgement I had one of those new Angus burgers from McDonald's, yeah I know stupid but I was curious. OH MY GOD is was disgusting! The meat was way too salty, it was slathered in so much mayo that is ran off the burger, the red onions must have been like two days old, I think they just grabbed a side salad and threw that lettuce on there. It was like they tried to copy Hardee's thickburgers and failed miserably! My stomach is doing backflips trying to get rid of this monstrousity! Everytime I burp I get a spoiled onion taste in my mouth. I forced myself to eat half the burger because i paid $6.00 for the damn meal. My advice to McDonalds is for them to stick to what they do best and leave the real beef burgers to someone, anyone, else.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Americanized Anime


Why is it that whenever an anime is translated and formatted for American tv they try to change things? I love anime but I don't like it in English. They change the dialogue to sound uber cheesy or they water it down considerably. Take Sailor Moon, there are about 5 seasons or 200 or so episodes. Only 2 seasons were shown on general tv because we couldn't figure out how to continue making people believe Uranus and Neptune were "cousins" when in fact they were lesbians! Bleach dialogue in it's original Japanese is more intense than its English counterpart. Dragonball, well lets not even go there because all DBZ fans were hurt to the core when we saw that. What I would love to see is a series translated word for word from Japanese to English and put on main stream television. Wonder how long before the first complaint rolls in?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Self Paced

So I am in an accelerated nursing program which doesn't have semesters , we have 5 week mods. We have to learn a whole lot very fast but we knew this when we started the program. Somehow, after the second mod people are just realizing "oh this is a lot of work". They want the information literally handed to them. My professor is awesome. She goes through the chapter and points out what we really need to focus on, she gives us study guides, she is willing to stay after to give extra help, she even list the clinical terms for the chapter that we need to know. My GOD what else could you ask the woman to do??? Well apparently our quizzes need to be made a certain way, our study guides need to pratically tell us word for word what to study, oh and if she could give bonus points on our test for no reason that would be appreciated. WTF?!? We are in fucking college and we are in an adult ACCELERATED program!!! NOTHING is going to be handed to you so put your hands back into you pockets and get over it. What do they think working in the clinical setting is going to be like, " Oh I don't feel like looking at the dosage for this medication, can you do it for me?" Uh no, get off your ass and do it yourself! She can give us the means to do well but our professor cannot teach us how to study, that is a skill we should have by now! What makes it worse is the fact that the "complainers" like to speak as if the whole class feels the same way they do. All the bithcing is just going to make her stop giving us any of the "extras" she has given us. Why is plenty never enough?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tattooed and Ladylike

What exactly makes a woman "ladylike"? Random question but I just saw an article about worst women tattoos and read some of the comments that were left (www.lemondrop.com/2009/02/18/worst-tattoos-on-women/). Somehow these men that responded to the article decided that a woman having tattoos makes them "skank-whores" and less than women. It blew my mind that my body art was also a comment on my moral sensibilities. I wasn't aware that having my mother's name made me a tramp? Who knew the angel made me a heathen? The "RIP MOM" just adds the frosting to the slut-cake huh? Other commentors decided that a tattooed woman will never find a job or a mate. Yet, I have a job I enjoy and I am single because I choose to be. This is not the response I have gotten from the men around me, in fact most guys I have met liked my ink. So this leaves me to wonder, are these just isolated idiots or is the dislike of female tattoos more common than I ever realized?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Natural


For those that don't know I have been "natural" since Feb 08 and I love it. I have had my ups and downs and almost went back to relaxers but no one said it would be easy. My hair is so much healthier and thicker and that's what I wanted. So may I ask the common masses this question? Why in the HELL do you feel the need to ask me when am I going to get a relaxer again? My other favorite question is "if you're not going to lock then what are you going to do with it?" Sweetie, if I wanted a relaxer I would have one don't you think? Have you ever considered that I just might let it continue to grow in all its thick glory? Why do I have to do "something" to my hair? What just kills me are the nasty looks from females whom have burnt off their entire hairline but you have the nerve to give me the stank look! Yeah keep looking, maybe you can learn how to go back to having a forhead instead of that big ass fivehead your receding hairline gives you. I am not one of those militant naturals that feel like everyone should be natural and those who aren't are wrong and let's go back to the motherland, and blah blah blah. In fact i could care less what you do with your hair, IT'S YOURS. I don't go around asking you when are you going natural so don't ask me about getting a relaxer. I just think it's rude because basically you're implying I need one. I cannot make you happy and I'm not going to try so let's leave it alone shall we?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Idiot repellent

I have figured out that a choice that I have made turned out to be idiot repellent. I am celibate and have been since February. Apparently when you tell most men this wonderful tidbit of information (and I use the term "men" lightly), they run as fast as they can in the other direction! It's great! I have not had to deal with an ignorant bastards in months and immediately I know exactly what they are after so it's no loss to me. It's almost too good to be true. Grant it going without is HARD, probably the hardest thing I have done in a long time, but it's not too bad. To be honest there is no specific reason for my decision to be celibate. I just stopped and that was that. My ability to attract the worlds worst guys may have had a hand in some cosmic way in my ease with the decision but it was not the reason for it. Being idiot free feels really good, you should try it sometimes...

Monday, April 27, 2009

Wondertwin dilemma...


Since I have been working at the hospital I have been best friends with my "Wondertwin", and yes we are actually referred to as the Wondertwins we even have an arch nemisis. We started working there at the same time, we both run with PGEC, we are both perpetual children, he can say a line from Spongebob and I know what line comes next, we have a breakfast and lunch routine for God's sake! Since we met we have been two peas in a pod. If you see one of us at the hospital, the other is not far behind. It's gotten to the point that we are starting to look alike (both light skinned, wear glasses, etc..) He is like the male version of me. So what is my dilemma you ask? According to everyone else in the hospital we are either A) dating, B) married, or C) actual twins that are "unnaturally" close. At first we tried explaining that we are just the best of friends but that seemed to only fuel people's suspicions. Now whenever we are asked if we are A,B, or C, we answer "ok" (you should see the puzzled looks we get with that answer!) What irks me is that most of the time we aren't asked, people go and ask our other coworkers about us. Is it wrong to go along with people's assumptions since answering honestly got me nowhere? Personally I think it's fun but is it "bad"?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Taking a break

I have come to the decision that I need to take break from relationships. I keep meeting the scum at the bottom of the barrel and I need to figure out why. There is something I am doing to attract these weirdos and I seriously have to stop it. Maybe it is Karma doing her job. Normally women walk around complaining about how "men are this" and "men are that" and they, the woman, has done nothing wrong . Well I am not that woman. I know that I have done things to hurt others and Karma is a bitch. I think Karma is making her go-rounds with me and that's why I keep meeting these people. Karma would like for me to know what it feels like to be hurt, because I know I have been a cold-hearted bitch that didn't give a damn about anyone's feelings but my own. I am taking these recent relationship fuck-ups as a lesson learned. I could be bitter and blame everyone else for what I have been through but honestly, some of this is MY fault. So Karma if you are out there listening, I get it now. If I want to be treated the right way I have to treat others the same way as well. I am going to take the time off to get things together and then I am jumping back into the game head first. So here goes the beginning of the end of my old life...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Is this even Dragonball?

I went to see Dragonball Evolution, yeah my mistake but I thought I should since I am an avid DB and DBZ fan. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DRAGONBALL ANYTHING! The only thing that links this movie to the franchise is the name of the characters and that is about it. I got over how the characters looked, it's live action and it would be hella hard to get Goku's hair to look believable so that didn't bother me. The story, on teh other hand I can''t get over. Maybe I am being too harsh but the story had nothing to do with ANY story line from the show I have ever seen. I know, I know it's not supposed to be exactly like the anime but DAMN couldn't they have atleast tried to follw some part of the show. Maybe this is supposed to be the awkward teenage years of Goku, you know after Dragonball but before Dragonball Z? It took things out of the story and changed them completely. Example, you ask? Here's one: as we know Goku is a Saiyan and as a child (in the DB series not DBZ) his tail had to be cut off, if not when he looked at the full moon he turned into a giant ape-like creature. Not so says 20th Century Fox. Instead it won't happen till after his 18th birthday, no tail needed and only when he looked at the "bloodmoon", AKA solar eclipse. Yeah that threw me for a bit of a loop as well. Who looked at this story and said "hey this will make a great movie!"? They should be dragged down the streets and flogged! Oh well it is what it is but I will tell you what it ain't... IT AIN'T DRAGONBALL!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Myspace is no longer my space

I have had a lot of people ask me why have a facebook page when I have a myspace, here's why:
1:no horney boys hitting my page leaving disgusting comments
2:no random spam messages
3:I have yet to see a profile pic of someone with their butt sticking out trying to be cute but failing miserably
4:I have yet to see any photos of guys taking the "shirtless pic" in front of the mirror (why, oh why do people do that?)
5:all my college friends are on facebook
6:I don't get friend requests from somebody who's going to be the "next big rap star"
7:my myspace page has been hacked twice (and horrble things were sent to friends by "me"), my facebook has never been touched
8:it's really easy to upload photos to facebook and all my friends are immediately notified
9:I can connect my blog to facebook without having to copy and paste, it's automatic!!!!
10:I can IM online friends without having to download some seperate program (because doing work at work is sooo overrated)

Myspace has become too raunchy for me. Some of the stuff on some people's profiles is just outrageous and lewd. Too many kids trying to be grown ups and too many grown ups trying to be kids. Maybe it is just me that feels this way... but if I get one more "girl I wanna do so and so to you" comment I am deleting that damn page!!!

The IR idiots

Question: How many people do you have to kill before someone takes a step back and thinks "hmmm, maybe our policies need work"? Our Interventional Radiology department has to be full of the dumbest smart people you will ever meet. There are too many people in the department in the first place. There are only four fucking rooms why do you need over 20 doctors, nurses, and techs all at the same time!!! In the last month there have been at least two unneeded fatalities due to stupidity amd yet people think transpoters are the stupid people! What kills me is this is just brushed over and they move on to the next patient, WTF!!!!!!! Is it really no longer about patient care? Are we, as a hospital, really all about the money? As a transporter I see the good, the bad, and the down right ugly. I may not have the degree that they have but I have the compasion they don't have. Most of my coworkers are the same way, WE CARE ABOUT OUR PATIENTS but sadly we cannot be there as a patient advocate once the procedure area gets the patient. We point out things that need to be improved but because we don't have some unnecessary degree abd 30 letters behind our names our voice is not heard. Maybe one day we will get back to what working in a hospital is really about, taking care of those in need.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Family

What does family actually mean? Just because someone shares the same blood line as you does that make them family? If someone would have asked me this a while ago I would say yes, now I know better. My sister has made it abundantly clear that blood is NOT thicker than water. She has done some things that I am having to pay for and she doesn't sem to care how hard she has made things for me. I actually have to file and press charges against her for things she has done. At first I felt guilty for taking the steps to get my life back from her but she doesn't feel guilty for stealing my life from me so to hell with it. I am tired or being used by my own damn family. I am walking away from some members of my so called "family". I have myself to worry about and I can't keep fixing other people's problems. IT IS MY TURN NOW!!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Groggy amd disconnected

So I am taking muscle relaxers for back spasms and whooooooa nelly! I woke up this morning and didn't realize I was up. I have been in a fog all morning and the fog is just starting to clear. I don't like that feeling, especially since I work in a hospital! On a good note though I slept like a baby but I was hella tired this morning. I like the fact that I am sleeping better but not the fact that my mind is in in a smoke for like four hours after I am up. Oh well

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Therapy

For the first time ever I went to therapy (my parents think I'm crazy). It wasn't anything like I thought it would be. There was no sterotypical couch to lay on. There was a couch but it was just like the one you might expect to find in your grandmother's living room. My therapist was a short portly lady that I swear would have made an awesome kindergarten teacher! I found it hard to talk but apparently she has dealt with people like me before. Instead of waiting for me to start she asked questions that led to me giving full on biography-style answers. It feels weird knowing I have a therapist because it is like I am acknowledging the fact that I am crazy. Therapist are for people that can't handle their own problems, or so I thought. Looks like my idea of "handling" my issues was to just act like it wasn't even there. Yeah, that doesn't work after a while. It's like that hallway closet, you know the one. It's the one where you keep piling things in but never clean it out? It gets harder and harder to close the door and then it becomes impossible and everything spills out. I am that closet and I am about to explode into the hallway. That's probably not the best way to express yourself now is it?...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Motion sickness

I just recently volunteered at a rescure squad. Great right? Not really... I am in training so I sit on the back of the ambulance (normally where the patient is) and I just found out I get motion sickness! My stomach and I were fighting with each other something horrible! I nearly threw up like three times on the way to a call. What puzzles me dearly is that I can eat and ride a roller coaster directly afterwards and feel nothing, NOTHING! I eat and drive with no problem. Yet you put me on the back of an ambulance and I am two seconds from becoming the patient! I wonder if I am nervous and that nervous energy is making me sick? Hmmm... time for a bit of self-diagnoses.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Life lessons learned from... Spongebob?

I absolutely love spongebob squarepants. Yes, he is a kitchen sponge and he lives in a pineapple under water but the little fella has heart. He loves his friends dearly, he can find happiness in the smallest things, he NEVER gives up (even when he should), and he does everything with enthusiasm. It is a cartoon that makes no sense most of the time (he works at a burger joint underwater, how does he cook?) but there are little things that can be translated to real life. Maybe my job wouldn't suck so much it I approached it with the joy that Spongebob does, even on the worse days "I'm ready, I'm ready". I need to love the hell out of my friends and be there whenever they need me, I need to be the Spongebob to their Patrick. When it looks like I should just give up I am going to get back behind the wheel till I "pass that boating exam". I am going to enjoy each and everyday like it's "the best day ever".

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Virginia Weather

Is there any reason why Virginia doesn't know whether it want to be winter or spring? Last week we had snow, inches of it. Last weekend it was almost 80. Now it's suposed to be a "wintry mix". How about we just stick with spring and stay in the 70's? I am sick as hell from the weather changes. As soon as I adjust to the warm weather it gets cold and as soon as I get used to the cold weather it gets warm. There is a saying that people told me wen I moved up here in 2006, "if you don't like the weather just wait a while" OMG that is sooo beyond true. We can go through all four seasons in one damn week. Oh well, I am off to take some cold medicine and try and sleep it off.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Gimme a gun, I'll handle it...

A psycho in Alabama took a gun and shot 10 innocent people including 2 children, CHILDREN!! In Germany a nutjob took a gun and shot 15 in a high school, what the hell?!?!? What could be so wrong that you have to go and kill others? Do us all a favor and shoot yourself so we don't have to do it. Some people say "guns are the problem, guns kill people..." Ok so let me lay a gun on the table and let's wait to see how long it takes for the gun to load itself and start shooting. It doesn't matter how many restrictions you put on guns, idiots that mean harm will find a way to get them while honest people will have to remain unarmed. Let us arm ourselves against these creeps. Instead of 10 people dead an armed citizen may be able to keep it to 1: the creep that wants to hurt people. I am against violence but I am all for protecting yourself. *gets off soap box*

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Taxes suck

Just did my taxes. Last year got about 700 back. This year I get a whole 262 dollars!!!! This is some complete bullsh*t! To top it off I did my FAFSA and am expected to be able to contribute more money towards my schooling. Yeah probably not going to happen, in case the government doesn't know I AM BROKE! I hate this, I want to go to school but they make it almost impossible to afford it. Why should we have to pay out the a** just to further ourselves? Call me a conspiracy nut but I don't think "they" want us to succeed because then we won't need "them" around. Maybe they are afraid of what will happen if everyone had access to education. Hmmm... maybe I'm onto "them".

Monday, March 9, 2009

Cell phones are EEEEEEEEEVIL!

With all the technology that goes into cell phones why and the hell don't they do what they are supposed to do? My phone is touch screen, web capable, bluetooth enabled and a piece of crap! I have the palm centro and the touch screen works sometimes. Web? Yeah when it's ready. Bluetooth? If it is in the mood. I lose signal in the damn sprint store!!!!! I am so ready to just go back to carrier pigeons and be done with it!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

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This eBook was produced by David Widger [widger@cecomet.net] See reference to the previous producers above.
Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
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domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark.
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Welcome to where the wild things are...

This is my page. I will tell you now that I am a strange one and my mind is never in one place for longer than like, a minute. Expect my blogs to have absolutely NOTHING to do with each other! These are my thoughts about life, the universe, and everything (gotta love Douglas Adams). Feel free to check out my blogs and whether you agree, disagree, or could care less, comment!