Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Facade
For so long, years in fact, I have worn a facade. I wake up in the morning and put on my clown smile and proceed through the day as the happy go lucky girl. I exude confidence. I embody strength. I am grace. That is what I make everyone believe. It is easier to have everyone think everything is ok than to try to explain why it's not ok. No one would really understand anyway. To be honest, this person I portray is who I want to be but it is not who I am. I am shy and awkward but I have learned to hide it well. I am so weak that I don't have the strength to go on sometimes. I am really about as graceful as a cat walking across ice. I ask myself, "why can't I be who I pretend to be?" As of yet I have no answer. Maybe one day I can stop pretending and just be me.
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I feel you on this one, My facade broke a while ago, but it still comes up when I feel threatened or out of place. I try to adapt to my environment by changing fear to impulse, embarassment to laughter, shyness to open'ness' and the list goes on. I've just found that until I completely find myself I have to work with what I got and using that and others to find myself. Each exeperience is a step closer to the real self, and friends and close ones become a guideline of definition.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, very interesting. I feel I've learned a bit more about you and you've piqued my curiosity. I want to see more of this person that you hide from me. Maybe with time I could get to know her.
~Mr.Right~